A TEAR FOR THE NEW YEAR!

Something happened to me last night. It was as if somebody turned a switch on inside me, one that could not be turned off. I started to cry and just could not stop. I cried all night too (in my sleep) and woke up still crying this morning!

I think it started in church. There was a new year Mass and the priest told us to think of one bad thing that had happened during the past year and one good one. It was not hard for me to think of something bad – and I will award no prizes for guessing what the bad thing I thought of was! It was hard not to burst into tears right then, although I managed to delay the tears until later.

So many of my hopes and dreams were destroyed along with what happened at the end of last January. At the start of 2015, I was really praying that our daughter’s business as a personal trainer would really take off: now it all lies in ruins. She was beginning to date guys and I really hoped she would meet somebody nice and settle down: now those hopes are in ruins and I think she just hates all men.

A year ago, she was living independently in a flat. Now, she is back living with us. She never goes out and is completely dependent on us. It is hard to see a future for her right now. I am very conscious that we are getting older and the time ahead of us is diminishing fast. What will happen to her when we are gone?

My own life has been changed beyond measure by what happened. This is a pretty small house and it feels as if all our freedom and privacy has gone. There have been quite a few arguments recently, between our daughter and my husband (they are alike and have always clashed a bit). It really is not at all an easy situation to live with.

I have to find a way of being hopeful, of believing that things can and will improve……

Today, I have to cheer up somehow. Our son and daughter-in-law are coming back this afternoon for what he says is ‘Christmas part 2’ so I have to stop all this negativity somehow! I am beginning to learn that our daughter-in-law is quite a bossy person (and I really do not like bossy women lol!). She told (not asked) us that she is taking over the kitchen and cooking a meal and that we will not be allowed out there! I am sure she means well and only wants to give us a rest, but I have detected a lack of sensitivity to other people’s… well, sensitivities! I love her in every other way though and am so glad that our son has found her. At least one of my children is reasonably happy at the moment!

Sorry I am being such a wet blanket on this (wet) new year’s day. I pray this will be a good year – for me and all my (tiny handful of) readers.

Take care…. it is a big, bad world out there! xx